


Words have an impact

by Julesrnr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anorexia, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 01:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11635908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julesrnr/pseuds/Julesrnr
Summary: Castiel has recently moved back in with his parents in Lawrence,Kansas. He is suffering from anorexia but also from the remains of his last long term relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, I am sorry for any mistakes because I am no native speaker and there is no one who read this story yet other than me. Please don´t be to harsh and let me know what you think and whih turns you night see fit for our fave´s.

Castiel isn´t feeling good. Something is wrong with his body and he knows it. He was feeling under the weather for a while now and today he decided to call the doctors to make an appointment. All his family had told him that he looked thiner then normal and they weren´t wrong. His clothes were ill fitting to say the least. They hung from him like they were ten sizes to big. Furthermore, his skin was paler than normal and the shadows under his eyes were deeper than they used to be.  
Of course he had a lot of stress lately, what with his fiance breaking up with him because of a woman. Also the move, which had followed, from New York back to where his parents were living now. They had decided to move to Lawrence, Kansas a few Years ago, because of his brother Gabriel, who had opened a restaurant there.  
So for the time being he lived back at his parents house, well it was a new house, but still he felt like a teenager again. He is twenty seven and this is his live now, apperantly.  
Monday morning Castiel found himself sitting in a doctor´s office with his mother, because she did not want to let him go there alone and to be honest he was happy to talk to her. He had not seen them a lot when he had lived in New York and they in Illinois. So he was really happy to just talk to his mother about plants, tea and his job. This is another thing which bothers him. He had thought english literature after college for two years, but then James, his ex fiance, had encouraged him to write a novel. The novel turned out good to say the least, but he wasn´t really up to writing another one at the moment. All the inspiration he had for the first one came out of James, but with him not being there Castiel had no energy and motivation to write.  
Currently he was thinking about teaching at the high school after summer, but as of now he had made no move to apply for the job. Even though his mother was encouraging him to do so, he lacked the motivation to teach and he thought it wasn´t fair to the kids if he was there without really caring for what he did.  
His train of thoughts was interrupted by the Doctor calling him into her office.  
“Hello, my name is Dr. Bradbury. What can I do for you?” she asked while she extended her hand to Castiel, who took it akwardly and shook it.

“Hello, I´m Castiel Novak and this is my mother” well that just got ten times more awkward he though as he took place in a chair next to his mother.” I´m here because I haven´t been feeling so well the last couple of weeks. It is not like I have the flu or something, I just feel a bit under the weather.”

“OK, have you had a lot of stress recently?”

“Yes I moved here from New York a month ago. I also do not sleep very well at the moment” Castiel answerd and rubbed his palms on his jeans.

“And his long time fiance broke up with him.” His mother stated truthfully because she was that kind of a person.

“ I see so maybe it is just the climate change, but to be safe I am going to make a small blood test if that is ok?” The Doctor asked and he nooded.

The Doctor ended up prescribing some vitamins for him to take and said he should come back in a week to talk about the outcome of his blood test. They left the Doctor´s office and walked to a nearby pharmacy to pick up his vitamins.  
After that they walked to his mother´s favorite coffee shop to drink some coffee. He picked up some strawberrycake for his mother because he new she loved that cake. Moreover, he ordered a green tea for his mother and a black coffee for him because he was feeling a bit tired.

“ Maybe you should look for a house or a flat for yourself around here, honey.” His mother stated as he returned with their order.

“What are you already tired of having me around?” he joked, but knew that his mother was right he needed a place of his own.

“No, Castiel you know I love having you around, but I think you should have some space for yourself instead of sleeping in our guestroom.” She explained before she started to dig into her cake .

“ I know, maybe I will look up some houses on the internet later.”

“Yes you should start building your own life again. I know that the thing with James was very hard for you, but you should really start to get over it.” Castiel knew she was right, James moved out 9 months ago and he really should start living his own life again, but it felt so difficult to build something agains just to loose it again. Well maybe he was developing commitment issues as well. Great.

“Maybe you could also find yourself a nice girl and start dating again.” He choked on his coffee, he was defnetly not ready to start dating again and he would never date a girl.

“Mom I am still gay”

“Yes but maybe that would make you forget James” His mother answered over her tea cup.

“Well if it was that easy I would have done that long ago. It´s just I can´t just forget someone I spent the last six years of my life with. “ Castiel really does love his mother but sometimes she doesn´t get him. Gladly his mother decides to change the subject of there discussion and was now rambling on about art and that she thought about redecorating their house. He just starred at the people walking around and drank his coffee while listening to her.


	2. Chapter 2

In the evening, well more like in the middel of the night, Castiel searched the web for houses on sale in the area. Most of them were much to big for just one person and he felt like such a house would make him feel even more lonley. He moved in with his parents because of how lonley he felt in that big city. Eventually one house caught his interest. It was a small cabin like house at the outer part of the city. It was in the forest and had only one bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom and a small living room. On the pictures it looked more like a english cottage than a cabin and the important part form him was that it has two floors and a bathtub.   
He wrote a short email to the person selling the house in which he asked if he could take a closer look. After pressing send he looked at his watch just to realise that it was 2 am an probably time for bed. It looked like he was in for yet another sleepless night in an empty bed and by five am he gave up on sleep alltogether.  
At 5:30 am he padded down into his parents kitchen, clutching his laptop to his chest.Castiel started brewing a strong coffee. Soon he found himself sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the pateo while clutching a steaming mug of coffee and watching the calm morning sky. He liked the calm of the morning it always made his brain declutter from the thoughts of the last night. The morning seemd always so soft against the darkness of the night and it made him feel safe in a way he couldn´t describe even though he was a writer. Summer mornings always were warm, but not as burning hot as the day in the summer so he enjoyed the fresh morning breez in peace.  
His peace was ever so rudly interrupted by someone shouting good morning hat him, while throwing a newspaper on the porch.  
“Who are you?” the same voice asked. It was the Paperboy.

“I´m Castiel Novak. I am the son of Naomi and Chuck.” He answered and unfolded himself from the chair to pick the newspaper up.

“Nice meeting you, Castiel. See ya.” the boy sad and waved. Then he walked out of the driveway an dissapeared down the street, while Castiel took a seat in the rocking chairs again.

The next few days were spend in the same routine. Getting up at dawn, sitting on the porch, talking to the paper boy, who was called Sam Winchester he learned. He was 14 ,went to the lokal high school and wanted to be a lawyer. To summarize he was a really smart kid. After that Castiel picked at his breakfast together with his parents, did some reading till lunch, eat lunch with his parents, went for coffee with his mum, came back for dinner and tried to sleep at night.

On Friday he went to the Doctor just to find out that his blood test appeared normal and was in best health according to his Doctor. He was feeling still under the weather, but maybe he was just suffering from a disease called broken heart. Ok now he was just being silly. When he came home from picking up the results his brother Gabriel sat in the living room. He really loved his brother but sometimes he was a pain in the ass, but maybe that came from being a bit overprotective. Gabriel was seven years older than him, so to him Castiel was always the little child he had to protect and make fun of. 

“Hey Cassie, fancy seeing you here.” Gabriel greeted him. Nobody really called him Cassie other than Gabriel, with it being a girls name, but Gabriel always did it to annoy him. So as usual Castiel only rolled his eyes at and flopped and the couch next to Gabriel. 

“Hey Gabe” he sighted and let his hat fall back on the back of the couch to look at his brother.

“So Cassie, I decided that you and me are going to hit up the clubs tonight.” Gabriel stated with to much enthusiasm.

“No, I kinda planed on a slow evening and...” He tried to manuever his way out of the situation but Gabriel interrupted him.

“What are you 70? It´s Friday evening it´s time to get smashed. And maybe we can get you laid.” was the ironical answer of his brother.

“Sometimes you really are insufferable. I am not going. End of discussion!” Castiel tried, but deep down he knew it was not enough to convine Gabe to change his plan.

“Oh no you are so not getting out of that. I even told my friend Charlie that you would come and she is now really excited to meet you. She even read your book” Damn his brother knew him all to well, he didn´t want to dissapoint people. On the other hand he was not going to go on a date with a girl and his brother or something like that. Why did nobody in this family get that he likes men.

“For the hunderds time. I am not straight.” Castiel answered getting more annoyed by the second.

“Well I am happy to inform you that Charlie is onehundert percent gay. And why are you always thinking I want to set you up with someone?” Gabriel explained, but Castiel only huffed at the question. “Ok yes don´t answer that. Maybe I tried to set you up a few times, but I was just looking out for my little brother.”

“As I understand it setting your brother up with someone is no brotherly duty. And you tried it the last seven years” He tried to reason with his sibling.

“I think that was nice of me...”

“I was in a relationship and no before you start it was not a open relationship just because James cheated on me multiple times”was Castiels cocky answer.

“Oh... I didn´t knew that. I am sorry and if you really don´t want to come with us tonight it´s ok.” Gabriel tried to reconcile.

“I thought I told you that, or maybe I just thought it was clear because he left me for someone else. Also, I think I might join you ...” he stated and Gabriel looked like a excited puppy “if you don´t try to set me up with someone.”

“Agreed, great now put something nice on so we get a few free drinks.” His brother answered while pushing him of the couch.

“Your wish is my comand” Cas joked but never the less went upstairs to change into his nicer clothes.


	3. Chapter 3

He put on some nice, tight black Jeans, which were not as tight as they used to be and a white button down shirt. After brushing his teeth he even tried to sort out his hair, which ended with it looking even more messy and bedheaded than before. He admitted defeat on that front and put on his favorite sneakers. Than he went downstairs to meet up with Gabe and get going. The last nine months he hasn´t been to club once. He just hadn´t felt up to it becauseit reminded him to much of James, but he now was feeling even thrilled to put on some nice cloth and do stuff people his age were doing. And god knows he could use a drink. His mother wasn´t very fond of him drinking anything other than beer in her house because she was afraid he might become an alcoholic out of the depression, which he according to her has. Furthemore, spending time with his brother is mostly pleasant.  
Downstairs his parents had joined Gabriel in the living room and they were now discussion new menu ideas for Gabe´s restaurant.

“Oh Castiel, you look even more thin than normal. Please eat something for once.” His mother commented as soon as he appeared in the doorway. Was he eating so less food.

“Come on Naomi leave the boy be for tonight...” His father, bless him, tried to jump in for him.

“No, Chuck look at him he is depressed and he also looks much to thin for his age and height. And moreover, he just picks at his food every dinner he is having.” Naomi argued and crossed her arms in front of her chest to underline her point.

“Mom how often do I need to tell you I am not depressed.” Castiel tried to defend himself “And I eat enough.”

“Of course you are. You are ever since James left you for what reason you are not telling us. I am your mother I know when you are not feeling well.” His mother was right he hadn´t told his parents or his family in general how things had ended with James.

\--- 9 months ago ---

Castiel was running late again. He had been at a meeting with his editor about new books and it took two more hours than planned. It was his birthday today and he had promised James to be home for dinner. James would be so angry. They had fought in the last month´s because according to James he was never home. F  
irst it was his job as a teacher, than the meetings for his book, the book tour and now meetings for new books. James was always telling Castiel to spend more time with him and he really tried, because he loved James so much. So that evening he was running late for dinner, which is a vast understatement. He practacly sprinted up the stairs to his appartment to be home sooner and spend much needed time with James. When he opned the door he was hoping to have some food and maybe red wine. As he made his way into the kitchen however it was empty and so he walked into the hallway, because he thought James might be in the bedroom. Well to be honest James was in the bedroom, but he was not alone. For a second,all Castiel could do stare at James and his Neighbour Nick in his own bed. It took nearly two minutes before James noticed him and pushed Nick off him. That was when Castiel felt anger starting to burn in his stomach. This ended in him throwing Nick, who was still naked out of his flat.

“What the hell James? I´m two hours late end you start getting it on with Nick!” Castiel tried to ask calmly but ended up shouting anyway. It really hurt finding his fiance in that position.

“You are never here and to be honest Nick is not the only one.” James answered while finally putting some clothes on so Castiel coulf finally be really mad.

“Great now that I know that you not only cheated on me with our neighbour but other men aswell I feel so much better. How long?” He wasn´t shure if he really wanted to know that but he had to. He had to know how long he had been living a lie. 

“Come on Castiel you don´t want to know” James tried to worm out of answering his question.

“Well of course I want to know how long you didn´t take our relationship seriously anymore. So?”Castiel responded while crossing his arms in front of his chest and tapping his foot in a annoyed manner.

“I don´t really know! It´s not like a wrote it in a calender!” Why was James getting angry now, it was defently not his place to be angry. 

“Take a bloody guess than!” He shouted back at his fiance. He really wanted to know now.

“Over a year and a half or something.”James answered more calmly. Over a year and a half, great that means that James was cheating on him before Castiel proposed to him. Damn he was a fool. How could he not see that his boyfriend was cheating on him for that long.

“Why?” was the only question, which came into Castiels brain so he voiced it.

“Why?! Because you are never here! I am always alone and I don´t need a partner, who is never here. I always come home to a cold and empty bed. I need someone to touch me because you sure as hell won´t. Do you even know when the last time was that you had actual sex with me? But most importantly I am not attracted to you anymore you have lost your touch and look at you how many pounds did you put on? What the hell is your hair supposed to be?” James shouted at him and Castiel tried to not cry. He was not giving James the satisfaction of breaking down in front of him.

“Why did you even accept my proposal, if you find me that repulsiv?!”Come on Castiel be strong you can do this. 

“Are you really that stupid? I haven´t worked in over a year and you are fucking rich. Marrying you would have been the best thing, which could have happened to me. I wouldn´t have to touch you anymore bacause you disgust me. If you had found out about my little affairs, then the divorce would have cost you a lot of money!” James explained and laughed. How did Castiel manged to overlook that? Did his love to James blinded him that much that he hadn´t seen him for what he really was .

“You have an hour to get your stuff and get out of here.” Castiel stated coldly and then proceded to grab his coat and leave. That night he found the nearest bar and got so drunk that he woke up in the hospital the next morning, because apperantly he had punched a guy and started a bar fight. When he was released out of the hospital two days later James was gone and so was everything expensive in his flat. The only things left were some funiture, his own clothes and some family heirloom.

 

\--- back to present time---


	4. Chapter 4

“Mom let Castiel be. Someday he will tell us but for now we are going out.” Gabriel answered his mother.

“James didn´t really leave me mom. I threw him out because I found him cheating on me with my neighbour.” Someday he had to tell his mother the truth and maybe that day was today. His mother looked shocked for a moment, but regained posture just a second later.

“Why didn´t you give him a second chance? I mean you guys were engaged, that is pretty serious, honey.” His mother tried to argue.

“He made it pretty clear that it wasn´t the only time that he cheated on me and said that he had multiple affairs over the last years.” Castiel answered and felt tears prickeling in his eyes. He left the part out were James had told him that he was finding him repulsiv and was only in the relationship because of Castiels money.

“Oh sweetheart” His mother got up and hugged him. That made it only more difficult for Castiel to keep the tears from falling.

“Mom don´t make him cry now, otherwise we will have a difficult time getting free drinks.”Gabriel joked and it made Castiel´s heart lighter again.

“He is right mom I´m over it, mostly. But I don´t think I can trust somebody enough at the moment to date them.” Castiel voiced and kissed his mother on the cheek. Just as she retreated from the hug the doorbell rang.

“Oh that must be Charlie.”Gabriel stated and jumped from the couch to open the door. For somebody that small Gabriele was very fast. Castiel wished his parents a good night and then proceded to follow Gabriel, who was currently tallking to a pretty redheaded girl. She looked pretty familiar to him, but he didn´t quite know why.

“Hey Castiel nice seeing you again.” She said and waved at him and as she saw his puzzeled face she added. “My name is Charlie Bradbury we have met at my office.”

“Of course I am sorry I didn´t recognize you without your white labcoat.” Castiel joked.

“Well most people don´t. I sometimes think a white coat is better than camouflage.” She joked along with him.

“Come on you two I want to get to the club before it get´s to full and the good booth´s are all used by teenagers.”Gabriel insisted, so Charlie and Castiel followed him and they started to walk into the town.

“So Cas I read your book and I must say: I NEED A SEQUEL!! I mean you left so many questions open. For example are Jack and Finn getting engaged and live happily after or does something happen to them? ...” Charlie started to rambel on.

“Well, I don´t normaly tell the people that, but the book is based on my life and I don´t know if I can really write a sequel to the first book.” Castiel answered.

“What?! That means you are Jack? Who is your Finn? I have to meet him you two are perfect for each other!” He hated to break it to her that Jack and Finn weren´t in a relationship anymore. Charlie looked so enthusiastic about his book, when to him it was just all wrong now that he knew what James did to him.

“I am really sorry to break it to you ,Charlie. As it turns out Finn is a cheating asshole who was only in a relationship with me because I have a bit of money.” Castiel sighted, why did he had to tell that story so often today.

“Oh no, that´s so sad. I am sorry that I talked about, I didn´t ment to hurt you.” Charlie said with a worried undertone in her voice.

“It´s ok. I´m getting over him.” Castiel answered and shot her a half hearted smile, that was all he could muster up at the moment.

“Maybe you could write a book about that?” Charlie suggested just as Gabriel talked to the doorman of the club, they wanted to get in.

“I haven´t really thought about that, but do you think people would want to read that? I mean it is not exactly a love story anymore and it´s sad.” Was writing about his ex really the way to go? Of course he wouldn´t drag him and make James seem worse than he was. Would he have to talk to James about that? Castiel made a mental note to call his editor Meg about his questions, while sliding in a booth opposite to Charlie. Gabriel was currently working his way to the crowd to get them all some drinks.

“Of course people like drama and heart ache. I would read that in a heart beat.” Chalie answered exited.

“Ok I don´t promise you anything, but if I do, you will be the first person to hear about it. You could be my test person.” He said before Gabriel returned and placed a long island ice tea in front of everyone.

“Fantastic, let´s drink to that.” She held her drink up and they all cheered to that. “So Gabe how´s the restaurant?” That lead to an discussion about new menus and that he needed new waiters. Soon after that politics and taxes followed, but Castiel was still thinking about the idea of writing a new book.The evening was really going well and he was currently on his fifth or sixth drinking. Gabe had left half an hour ago with a pretty blond woman called Kayley. 

“Winchester! Over here!”Charlie suddenly shouted in th middle of their conversation. He turned his head to see a man walking towards them. He was over six feet tall and looked very handsome, if a little bit intimidating. The man placed the beer, which he wa scarring on the table and slide in on the seat next to Charlie.

“Castiel Novak meet Dean Winchester.” Charlie intruduced them and they shook hands awkwardkly over the table.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello, so you are Castiel. Sammy is talking a lot about you.” Dean greeted in a low, but very smooth voice. Sammy? Does he mean the paperboy? Probably.

“Hello, so you are Sam´s dad?” Castiel asked and that somehow send Charlie and Dean into a laughing fit.

“No, I am his brother. How old do you think I am? Forty?” Dean finally said.

“I am sorry I didn´t mean you looked that old. Oh no I mean you do not look old at all...I am not suggesting that you look to young ...uhm ...” How had he managed to turn this conversation awkward in only a few moments?

“Man it´s ok I´m not insecure about my age. All I wanted to say is that I am ten years older than Sam and for that reason he could not be my son.” Dean answered with a light hearted laugh and winked at him, it was nothing suggestive just a frienldy wink. There is no way someone that beautiful would wink at someone as repulsive as himself. Castiel was just about to add something to the conversation when a blond woman appeared at there booth.

“Hey Winchester,there you are, I was looking for you. We are going to hit up the dance floor. Are you with us ?” She asked and pointed at someone over her shoulder. Look Castiel he is in a relationship and straight so no reason to get your hopes up even if he winked at you and had eyes so green you could drown in them forever.

“Right, nice meeting you, Cas. I got to support the ladies on the dancefloor. See ya Charlie.”And with that Dean Winchester was gone. Castiel got up to get some new drinks. They ended up playing ´Never have I ever´ and getting much to drunk. The sun was rising when he brought Charlie home. Well when he say´s brought he means he carried her home, because she was defnetly to drunk to walk. He was really happy when he managed to get himself home and to his bed, without waking his parents up.   
In his room he just flopped down onto his bed face first and fell asleep without even undressing. For the first time in month´s he slept for more than five hours straight.


	6. Chapter 6

He was woken up at 1 pm by the worst headache and had about two minutes before he emptide the contents of his stomach in the toilet. With his luck that was the exact moment his mother choose to walk into the bathroom.

“Oh honey are you alright?” She asked worried while petting his back.

“Yes, well no. Just remind me to not drink alcohol again and I will be fine.”Castiel said cocky.

“You know I don´t like you drinking that much.” His mother voiced.

“I know mom.”

“Did you at least have a pleasant evening or rather night?” Naomi asked and he was thankful that she did not lecture him about alcohol consumption right now. His mother was a nurse, till five years ago and she always went about how bad it was for them to drink.

“Yes, Charlie is really nice. She had a few ideas for future books and I am seriously thinking about writing a new book.” He said and cautiusly tried to stand up, because his head hurt, but thank god his stomach wasn´t giving him any trouble anymore.

“That´s good. You could talk to Meg about that.But for now maybe you should take a shower and I am going to cook you something, which your stomach will be abel to keep down. And maybe a advil would do you some good,too.” His mother started in full on mother mode even thouch he still was a fully grown man. He really needed his own place.

“Thank you mom.” 

In the next few day´s Castiel fell back into his old living rhythm, well the one he had picked up at his parents house that was. His mother was still at him about eating more and also sleeping more so he tried to please her, but it wasn´t that esay because everytime he picked up a mouthful of food he could hear James say `How many pounds did you put on?´ and that made any appetite he had dissapear. So every meal he tried to eat more of the healthy stuff, which his mother started to cook and picked up cooking himself. That way he was busy and took some work of his mom. Furthermore, he strated running again, something he hadn´t done since college, but he realized that he still loved the peace of a morning run. Running was always a way for him to clear his mind and refocuse. He even felt that running helped with his sleeping cycle. His mother however, was not so fond of him running, because in her opinion he was already to thin and she was leaving info sheets about anorexcia and bulemia around the house. Castiel did not really care about that and kept on running.   
Wednesday morning he actually started writing again and he thought he had not seen his mother and father that happy in a month. He had called Meg, his editor, on Monday to get the ok for a second book, which was maybe about his and James story. She had told him that it would be no problem as long as he did not used James name. So as long as he kept calling the book version of James, Finn it would all be ok and he was not getting sued, which was a good thing, Starting to write down their story actually lightened his mood and he was really finally getting over it. How come one month in Lawrence could do something, which eight months in New York and a therapist did not improve anything.  
It was the same day that he finally recived an answer from the person, who was selling the house in the woods, which he had intrest in. The woman was actually called Laura and offered that he could swing by Friday morning and take a look at the house. He called Gabe and asked him if he wanted to take a look at it together with him, but apperantly the restraunt was getting it´s supply delivery at that time and abe had to be there to make sure the vegetables were good, or something like that. However, Gabe proposed to ask if Charlie wanted to take a look at the house to make sure that Castiel was not getting ribbed off. He gave Charlie a call and she was excited as aways and apparently she was very into architecture. Charlie somhow managed to pesude him into giving her the pages he had wrote so far. Normally no one other than Meg got to read any pages before the book was anywhere close to done, but Charlie could charm her way into anything she wanted. He should really be careful around her she could get more information out of him than he was really comfortable sharing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am bit to enthusiastic when it get´s to house descriptions.

He met Charlie in the Coffe Shop on Friday morning. She explained that she was currently working her way through the menue and today she orderd a chocolate frappocino with whipped cream and sprinkels and a donut with rainbow glaze. She said something about the owner being in the LGBTQ Community and that is why the donut´s had so colorful glazes. As he had orderd only a black coffee Charlie had raised an eyebrow at him, but not said something about it. When she forced him to eat half of her second donut, he suspected that she was on the same team as his mother, but he could live with that, maybe. Talking with Charlie was as easy as it was on the first day. She was one of those people you could know only one day, but feel like you had known them for the last eternity. Morover, she was really excited about the first few pages of the new book and encouraged him to write more so she could read more. 

At 10 am they arrive at the house. From the outside it really looked like a english cottage and it was beautiful. Laura was very nice and answered every question Charlie had about the house. To be honest Charlie knew a hell of a lot about houses and made sure that the house was in best condition, while he walked from room to room to decide how he would decorate them.  
The house was on the hill, which overlooked the town, with woods surrounding it an the clostest neighbour living a ten minute walk away. From the porch you could watch the sun rise over the town and see the it wake up.   
The frontdoor led directly into the kitchen. It was an old cottage kitchen with blue counters and white counter tops. In the middel was a small breakfast tabel, which could seat up to four people. It also had two small windows which overlooked the driveway.  
The kitchen was open and connected directly to the living room. It was empty right now but Castiel new exactly were to place a couch, a few bookshelves and plants to make it very comfortable. The rough wooden floor was amazing and really mached the whole house. To castiel´s suprise there was a open fireplace in the living room and he could already imagen reading infront of it with a steaming mug of tea.   
From the living room there was a old wooden steep stair, which led into the second floor. On the second floor there was a big room, which would be the bedroom. It had the same flooring as downstairs and big skylight windows. Castiel could imagine setting up a bed right beneath them and watching the stars at night.   
The bedroom led to an ensuit with a freestanding tub, which castiel was very excited about.  
To conclude the house was perfect and he was sure that he would take it. As Laura told them that there was also a laundry room and a small toilet downstairs he nearly hugged her.  
Charlie discussed a price with Laura and it seemed very resonable, but to be honest this was his dream house and he would have payed a hell of a lot more for that house. After Charlie checked the contract he signed it and Laura said that he could move in a soon as he wanted and even gave him the key on the spot. If Laura hadn´t been that nice he would think it was a bit dodgy, but she had explained that her sister was ill and she had to move to the west coast to support her and her family so she decided to sell the house.


	8. Chapter 8

At home he told his parents about the house and had to promise to show them around in the next couple of days. His mother also demanded to be involved in the decoration process. Somehow he had the feeling that his mother and Charlie would get along very well. Hopefully not to well or he was going to lose all chance to decide anything. It took him literally half an hour to make sure that his mother wasn´t going to ikea the exact same day. 

On Saturday morning he was awoken by a call from Charlie. She asked if he was okay going to Ikea on Monday morning, because apperantly she didn´t have to work that day. He told her that it would be ok, but that he did not own a car. However, she told him that the Winchester´s were free on monday morning as well. Apperantly, Dean was a mechanic and was allowed to take a van for their plan. After their call he had to remind himslef that he was now the owner of his own dream house and it made him actually smile for most of the day.  
They other part of the weekend was pretty much event less and so he was really excited when he saw the van pull up the driveway of his parents house. It was quarter to seven in the morning. Charlie had decided if they went this early the could maybe assambel some furniture that same day, so that Castiel could move in as soon as possible. He got up as early as always and made the effort to make coffe, which the could drink on the drive. The idea wasn´t that bad because they would have to drive close to two hours to get there. As soon as the van stopped close to the house Castiel shouted a `See you later´ to his parents and walked outside to meet up with the others. Charlie was wide awakea and so was Sam because he was used to being up much earlier that this. Dean however looked like he was not in the best mood and a bit sleep deprived. In that moment Castiel decided that his coffee was a really good idea.

“Good Morning,everyone” Castiel greeted them.

“Morning Cas, let´s get going, we have a lot to do.” Charlie greeted him. This was the second time someone had called him Cas and actually he kinda liked having a nickname.

“Listen to her, she dragged me out of bed at half six. And when I say dragged, I really mean poured a bucked of ice water over me.” Dean explained, while Charlie climbed into the back of the van with Sam. So he took shotgun. He had to keep himself from laughing when Dean yawned.

“Quit whining Winchester and get this show on the road.” Charlie orderd from the back and Dean actually saluted at her.

“Next time just led me have a coffee.” Was his answer when he started up the van and backed out of the drive way. Castiel coul hear some 80´s rock music playing on the radio or maybe it was a cd.

“Apropros coffee. I made some earlier for you guys because I thought that was the least I could do.” Castiel said and started rummaging through his backpack for the coffee can and the take away cups he packed.

“Cas, man I could really kiss you right now.” Dean answered to enthusiastic and Castiel blushed a bit, why did he have to say that. So he started busying himself with pouring the coffee, while Charlie gave Dean directions where to drive. Sam was currently tapping away on his cellphone and ignoring the adults pretty much. The drive was very pleasant. Dean seemed to be a really good driver and after his coffee, he and Charlie started some friendly banter up, which Sam sometimes added to. From time to time the three of them would start singing along to a song, while Cas smiled at them. As Castiel mentioned that he also packed some donuts he was met with even more excitement than when he mentioned he had coffee. So it is understandable that the whole drive went by pretty fast and soon the pulled up in the parking lot of the huge blue and yellow building.


	9. Chapter 9

Charlie directed them towards the entry and then got sheets to write down the number of the items of furniture they would like to buy. Castiel soon found their first item, which was a simple king sized bed with matching bedside tables. Then they all tested out some matresses, which ended up with Dean nearly falling asleep on one of them. Naturally they decided to take that one because apparently it was the most comfortable.  
Next on Charlie´s agenda was deciding, what couch he would want. She managed to talk him into a big L shaped on. It was grey and came with a matching armchair, which castiel decided would be great for reading. They picked an old looking industryal lamp to go next to it. Furthermore, Dean found the perfect coffee table to go in front of the couch. It was really going well and Charlie knew exactly which bookshelves to pick. However, it took them a bit longer to decided wether they would need two or three, but Castiel managed to talk Charlie into taking three, because he owned a lot of bookes, which were currently all stacked in boxes in his dad´s garage. Charlie was about done with the furniture she decided Cas needed but Castiel also wanted a work desk, so the decided to take a big, plain, black one.  
Then they headed downstairs to pick up smaller pices Castiel needed. First the walked through the dishes part. He had decided a long time ago that he wanted missmachted dishes and cups,so he said that everyone should pick three of the items each, which were needed. First there was a lot of confusion going on, but in the end he was really happy with what they picked.   
He decided on plain, white sheets and towel´s, which didn´t really please Charlies´s imagination, but she let him pick them.   
They bought a big colorful rug for the living room, which looked a bit like he was a hippie, but to be honest he didn´t care because he liked it and he had to please no one with his house. They also bought the matching smaller rug for his bathroom. After a huge discussion, about what shower curtain to pick, they decided on a galaxy one.  
Lastly the walked into the housplant section and they picked up a lot of houseplant, which Castiel really enjoyed. Also Charlie persuaded him to get some scented candles even though Dean told her to give him a break.  
After that they finally checked out and Castiel payed for everything. It was only noon so they decided to pick up the big furniture and than put them in the van before eating something. He never had such a well timed trip to ikea in his whole life and the props to that went all to Charlie because after they payed, she stated that they even took less time than she calculate.   
Once they had loaded everything in the van Sam complained about being starving and the went into the restaurant of the furniture store to eating something. Charlie, Dean and Sam all got huge burgers with fries and coke, while he got himself a salad and water.

“Man that´s rabbit food. How is that going to fuel you after having the most stressful morning ever?” Dean questioned, but somehow he didn´t insist on an answer, because Castiel had the suspicion that both Charlie and Sam had kicked him in the shin.” So, Cas tell me what do you do for a living?”He then asked.

“I am a trained english literature teacher, but I haven´t taught in a few years because I wrote a novel and kind of wanted to concentrate on that.” Castiel answered between bites of his salad.

“Really? Do you want to teach again?” Sam asked enthusiastic.

“I don´t know I haven´t done so in a long time.” He answered thruth fully.

“Maybe you should apply at the high school they are always looking for new teachers.”Sam proposed and he had thought about that.

“Yes that would be a good idea and kids seem to like you. Sammy here doesn´t shut up about the talks you and he have at five am” Dean laughed and Sam punched him in the arm.

“In all seriousness our last english teacher was kinda a douche so it would be really nice to have someone like you for once.” Sam explained, between bites of his burger.

“Ok I will look into it, but I am currently trying to write my second novel and I don´t know if I can manage both jobs at once.” Castiel explained and that didn´t seem to lessen Sam´s enthusiasm.  
“That´s awsome.” Dean mumbled between two bites of burger.

“Yes I read a few pages alrady and I am hooked” Chimmed Charlie in.

“Well I don´t even now if it get´s written. I have to send the first few pages to my editor on friday.” Castiel explained. He wasn´t really comfortable talking about the book when it is not fully done. Morover, he didn´t want to bore Sam and Dean with storiey abour his book.

“Maybe I should read your first book.” Dean just stated and he nearly chocked on a salad leaf.

“No, no defenetly not.” Why again did he not want Dean to read that? Maybe it wasn´t really the type of book someone like Dean would read.

“Dude when was the last time you picked up a book? Middel school?” Sam joked.

“No, Sam he actually read Fifty shades of Grey” Charlie stated, which made Sam nearly spit food over the table and Dean was turning as red as a Tomato. Sam started to break down in a fit of laughing and Castiel had to join him, because Dean looked very adorable when he was embrassed.

“Thank you very much, Charlie. I will never be able to live that down.” Dean said salty.

“Sorry I thought Sam knew that. Anyway if you enjoyed that I would really recommend Castiel´s book.”Charlie said, which made Castiel blush.

“Hey my book is nothing like Fifty shades of grey!” He tried to defend himself.

“What is it about then?” A curious Sam, who had finally managed to stop laughing asked.

“Well it´s about a guy and another guy and their story.” Castiel tried to explain it without saying to much.

“Oh, come on you wrote the book you should be better at explaining it. It is about a beautiful love story abou two guys in New York. They are really perfect for each other and they spend the longest time being friends without even knowing they were in love.” Charlie explained and to be honest she explained it very well.

“Well that´s why I thought it wasn´t really your thing Dean. You don´t seem like you like Chick flick´s.” He stated and Dean nodded.

“Are you kidding? Dean loves chick flick´s and that book sound perfect for him.” Sam stated bluntly and made Dean blush again.

“Sam I think you are really hurting his macho facade right now.” Charlie lauhed and Cas had to join because she was somehow right.Before Dean could answer something to that she orderd. “ Eat up guys we have a lot f furniture building to do.” So they ate up and made their way back to the van. The drive back was as plasent as the drive to ikea. This time however, Castiel was included in the banter and he really felt part of this group of friends. He hadn´t felt a part of something like that in the longest time.


	10. Chapter 10

At 3 pm they arrived at Castiel´s new house and they started to unload the van and dropped evertything in the living room for the time being.  
“Ok listen I planned how we are going to this. So firstly Dean and Cas are going to built the bed and bedside tables, while Sammy and me try to bulit the book shelves.” Charlie ordered once they had everything inside his house and Dean carried a tool box with him. He really was a handy guy to have around. Hopefully Castiel would not make building the bed to awkward for Dean, he thought as they carried the parts for the bed and the matress upstairs into the bedroom.

“The house is really nice.” Dean started the conversation, while they were currently unpacking the boxes. 

“Yes it is kind of my Dream House and I never thought I would find something like this in Lawrence.” Castiel admitted, while looking at the instructions for the bedside tables. They had silently agreed that Cas would do the bedside tables while Dean did the difficult task of assambling the bed. The conversation between them flowed easy and soon Dean had already assambled the bed and was now helping Castiel with the second bedside table because, he struggled a bit with that one.  
Once they were done the put the bed under the skylight window and put a table ech side of the bed and let the matress flop onto the bed.

“That really looks great.” Dean just stated. “ Let´s get downstairs and look which task we get to do next.” He joked, but no effort to move and they starred at each other for a few akward seconds. Deans eyes were so pretty, how was a man allowed to have those eyes paired with those lips and be straight, Castiel thought to himself. His train of thoughts was however, interrupted when Dean started to move towards the stairs. Downstairs they met Castiels parents and Gabe as well as Charlie an Sam.   
His parents had brought over the boxes with his books and some pictures he had kept from his old flat. His father was currenty helping Charlie and Sam in assambling the couch while his mother was putting the dishes away and had already washed his sheets and towles. Gabe was currently colour coordinating his books into the Bookshelves, which Sam and Charlie had already built.

“Hello Cassie, this place is really cool.” His brother greeted them and then proceded to put the books in the shelves.

“Oh honey, he is right. We also have the dresser with your clothes standing on the porch, because we didn´t know where to put it.” His mother explained.

“Thanks I think I will put that upstairs in the bedroom.” He explained while kissing his mother on the chest. Gabe helped him carry the dresser upstairs. Once they were done his couch plus armchair and coffee table were built. Dean was currently building his desk, while Charlie and Sam were placing the plants in different areas of th house. Somehow the rug´s were already laid out where he wanted them.Castiel heared the other joking along as they worked. It seemed that his brother has known Dean and Sam for long time, so he was involved in their banter. Smiling he walked over to the kitchen where his mother was warming up something to eat and cutting appe pie.

“Your dad went to the tip to get the recycling done before it was dark.” His mother expained without looking up from the stove. “ I really like this house Castiel, it was the right decision to buy it.”

“Have you seen the upstairs?” He asked her while setting the table even though it was to small for six people. Maybe three of them had to eat at the coffee table .

“No, but I would really apriciate if you would show me after dinner. Then I could help you put your sheets on and we could get the rest of your stuff moved in.” His mother answered.

“Thank you mom, for your help. I would have never believed I could have moved in here in one day.”  
“Oh my god is that apple pie?” Dean asked, who had walked over from were he had finished to build the table.

“Yes, you can get a slice after dinner. Everybody wash up Dinner is ready.” His mother announced and he could here happy shouts from the others.  
Soon they were all cramped around Castiel´s small kitchen table and were happily munching on the food his mother made. He couldn´t believe how good evrything worked today. They all helped him so much and he had only two boxes left to unpack. Those were mostly his personal belongings he hadn´t even bothered to unpack when he moved into his parents house. His parents had also brought a duffel bag with all the things left in there guest room. If he didn´t knew better,he would think they wanted to get him out of their house as soon as possible. But he was twenty seven and already had moved out and it was realy sad to move back in, so that´s probably why they helped him to do everything so quick. The food was so good that he had to pass on the pie, but he was more than happy to give his slice to Dean, who literally moaned around the cake. That was more fun to watch than actuallly eating pie. Soon after they had finished eating his parents left, as did the Winchester´s and Charlie, but he did not let them leave without thanking them three times for there help.  
Currently he was clearing up the kitchen with Gabriel´s help.

“Thank you, too Gabe.” 

“No problem little bro. I am kind of jalouse. This house is so mutch prettier than my flat above the restaurant. But it suits you it´s kinda artsy and stuff.” His brother said and messsed up Castiel´s hair by ruffling through it.

“Well thank you I guess.” He laughed and cleared the last dishes away and put some left overs in the fridge. Before Gabriel left he had to promise to go out with him for drink´s on friday and then he was alone in his home. His home, that sounded strange now that he hadn´t felt at home somewhere in a long time, but this was his. Nobody could take that from him.  
He locked the door, turned the light´s off downstairs, grabbed the duffel bag and headed into the bedroom. After putting the sheets on the bed and stacking a pile of towels in the bathroom he changed into his pj´s and brushed his theeth. It was finally time for bed he thought and flopped down on his bed. It was really soft and he was happy to maybe catch a good night´s sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Cas woke up after more than eight hours of sleep, which wasn´t normal for him, but he felt some much better than normal. The sky above him was blue and there was no cloud in sight. He decided that he needed to do some food shopping today and he would by himself a coffee maker. There were also a few pages he should sketch out today so he could write them later. Even though he plenty to do today he decided that he would take a bath in his beautiful bath tube first.  
When he was done with his bath later that morning he wrote himself a shopping list.  
The walk into town was 20 minutes long, but he enjoyed it. In the store he got everything he needed and maybe a few extras. Soon he found himself wondering how he should carry everything back to the house, because if you carry that much food and a coffee maker 20 minutes were going to be pretty exhausting.While he was wondering if he could really carry all of this back, a black muscle car pulled up next to him. He ignored it and carried on walking.

“Cas... Hey man!” a familiar voice called from inside the car. He stopped and took a look at the driver just to realize that it was Dean Winchester.

“Hello Dean.” He greeted him and set one of his bag´s on the sidewalk.

“You need a lift?” Dean asked him while mustering him from head to toe.

“No I wouldn´t want to be a bother.” Castiel answered even though he really needed a lift. If he just made himself walk all the way back he was going to punch himself.

“Come on man you are no bother. Get in.” Dean assured him and pushed the door open for Castiel to get in. He akwardly manuevered himslef and his shopping into the car and then smiled at Dean.

“Thank you Dean. What about your job?” Cas asked but maybe that question was a bit to rude to just ask like that.

“Bobby doesn´t mind me getting in a bit late because I always work over time anyways.” Dean explained while pulling onto the road. Bobby was the owner of the garage where Dean worked at, he had learned that yesterday. “And how was the first night in your new home?”

“Great haven´t slept that good in a long time. However I realized I had no food in the house.” He explained, while looking at Dean.

“Man you sure do stare a lot.” Dean chuckled, while he took a left turn and Castiel focused his eyes back on the street.

“I´m sorry I didn´t want to...”He stuttert.

“It´s fine man. You are also not to hard on the eyes yourself.” Dean interrupted him and was that a flirtation. It couldn´t be Dean would never flirt with him . He was straight and in a relationship. No he just was being nice to Castiel and didn´t want him to feel akward. He had no time to think about Dean´s words more because they arrived at his house. So he thanked Dean again and got out of the car. He gave a little wave before he hurried inside to get the supplies in the fridge.  
After installing the coffee maker and making himself a small bowl of otmeal he went to his desk and opened his laptop to write, but there was another thing on his mind. Now that he was moved in really he needed to throw a houswarming party, or was that not the social thing he had to do? He should do it just to say thank you to the people, who helped him with moving in. However he didn´t know that many people around here, so he was not sure if 6 other people really counted as a party. It probably did if there was music, alcohol and some snacks. Maybe he should ask Gabe if that was something he had to do. Also Charlie would probably be very happy to organize such a thing.   
He wrote Charlie a message in, which he asked her opinion on the regarding subject. She answered him almost imideatly and said she would call him tonight to talk about that.  
After he read her message he decided that his mind was to clouded to write, so he put on his running gear and went out for a run.


	12. Chapter 12

Friday evening he found himslef sitting in the same booth as the week before. Charlie and Gabriel were currently discussing the topic of his house warming. Half an hour ago they had agreed to do it the next saturday. Gabriel had also insisted on organizing the food. Castiel was supposed to get the drinks with his dad´s car, which was already agreed on. Charlie said she would put together a good playlist and bring the juke box. Now they were disscussing who to invite and Castiel was not really sure, who he should invite other than Sam, Dean, Charlie, Gabe and his parents. He literally knew nobody other than them. Charlie had asked if she could bring a girl she fancied and it was fine with Castiel, maybe Dean and Sam could also bring a girl each so that there were a few more people. Speaking of the devil , Dean just slid on the seat next to him placing four beeres on the table.

“Hey guys. And what are you planning? Probably world domination as we know you Charles.” He laughed and snatched the paper away from Charlie on which she had been furiously writing until now.  
“Winchester if you only came over here to be an asshole than you can leave now.” Charlie answered trying to sound angry, but failing misserable at it. However she did steal the paperback from Dean.

“Geez Charlie, chill. I came bearing gifts.” Dean joked and pushed a beer in front of everyone.

“You can´t just buy our sympathies Dean.” Gabe chimmed in.

“So am I allowed to know what you three are planning or is it top secret?” Dean tried again.

“We are planning my house warming. It is going to be next saturday and you and Sam are invited if you want to come.” Castiel turned to Dean only to realize how close the other man sat to him. He could literally smell Dean. It was a mixture between oil, leather, aftershave and something Cas couldn´t quite figure out so it was probably just Dean.

“Cas? Hello. Earth to Cas.” Oh god he had literally just spaced out and ignored what Dean had said to him.

“Sorry what was that?” He asked trying to overplay the akwardness.

“I said we would be happy to come.”Dean answered with a cuckle and he could here Gaberiel and Charlie laughing at him.

“That would be great. You could also bring someone each if you want to.” Castiel offered.

“Ok, but I believe it is just going to be me and Sam. Though Sam has a crush latley on a girl maybe he will bring her or something.” Dean answered. Why did he not want to bring his girlfriend. Was Castiel making the whole situation akward for all of them? Did Dean know that he was a bit attracted to him. “Do you guys want to grab something to eat? I could use some greasy fast food right about now.” Dean carried on with the situation. To be honest Castiel was really hungrry, but he didn´t want to eat fastfood.

“Hell yeah. Let´s just finish the beer and then let´s go.” Gaberiel answered enthusiastic and Charlie nodded in agreement.

“Ok let´s just chug it.” Dean proposed and Gabe and Charlie were naturally on board. Castiel wasn´t really good at drinking beer that fast. Other kind´s of liquor he could get done fast, but not beer. Dean ended up finishing his beer , too because the other´s really wanted to go. Then they pushed their way through the crowd and toward the entrance. The air outside was much cooler than in the heated bar and even though it was summer Castiel shivered a bit.

“Man are you cold it is probably about 77 degrees?” Dean , who had obviously noticed his shivering, asked. Castiel just looked at him and shrugged. He then followed the other ones, but as he continued shivering Dean pulled of his flannel and gave it to Castiel.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel said, while putting it on. It was warm and soft and smelled just like Dean.

“No problem, wouldn´t want you to get sick.” Was the answer. They walked the rest of the way in silence, while Charlie and Gabe were talking about something. Soon they arrived at taco bell. Everyone ordered tacos and nachos and a coke, while Cas went with a Salad and some water.

“Dude you have to stop eating like a rabbit. No wonder you are cold.” Dean commented his order.

“Well better than dying of a heart attack.” He threw back and he hadn´t ment for that to sound so aggressive, but somehow it did.

“Wow, little bro hold your horses.” Gabriel jumped in and laid a hand on Castiel´s shoulder to guide him towards a table.

“I am sorry I haven´t ment it like that. I´m just tired I guess.” Castiel tried to appologize, while Gabriel was busy shoving him into a booth and the taking the seat beside him. Dean slide into the seat opposite him and Charlie took the seat next to Dean.

“You are still feeling tired and under the weather?” Charlie asked him. In the last week he had already forgot the she was his Doctor.

“Yes, but it got a little better and I slept a bit more.” Castiel answered her, while picking at his salad.

“Wait what do you mean with still?” Dean asked Charlie between two bites of nacho.

“Legally I can not tell you that.” Charlie answered him thruthfully. 

“It´s ok I went to Charlie´s office a few weeks after I moved here and told her that I was feeling a bit under the weather and stuff. It is probably all because of stress.” Castiel explained and Dean nodded.

“Not to alarm you Castiel, but you are so much thiner than you ever were. Do you think something is wrong?” His brother asked him.

“No I don´t think so.” Castiel answered. “It´s probably just the move and the whole thing with James.”

“Bullshit.” Dean interrupted.

“I beg you pardon?” He was puzzeled by Dean´s rudeness.

“You do eat like a rabbit and if I would tell you to eat this nacho right now, you probably couldn´t. Am I right?” Deans said and Castiel felt himself turn pale and start sweating. Of course he could eat the nacho. Did he? He hasn´t had fastfood in a few months, but one nacho wouldn´t hurt. Or did it?  
Why was Dean doing that him?

“Dean very funny of course he could eat the nacho.” His brother, bless him jumped in. “Am I right Castiel?” He nodded to assure his brother, but to be honest he did not know if he could eat it.

“Then do it.” Dean orderd and Charlie raised an eyebrow at him.

“No that´s stupid I ´m not doing that.”Castiel answered because he was certainly not taking any orders from Dean.

“Told you.” Dean just stated and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Gabriel and Charlie were looking kind shocked at him and he could not take this anymore so he looked at his food again.

“Castiel what is going on. You never had a problem with food or eating before?” His brother asked him. “Is mom right?” He couldn´t answer his brother. Of course his mother was right. She alsways was, he was not eating enough, but how could he, he was looking so repulsiv. Nobody would ever like him again if he stayed that way.Why did Dean have to comment on his food intake?

“Man talk to us. We are your friends.” Dean said and Castiel felt tears prickling in his eyes. He did not want to have this conversation and he sure as hell did not want to have it in the middle of taco bell.

“Are you?”He tried to shoot back angry, but his voice betrayed him and the tears were falling. He felt a panic attack coming on and that was strange because he had had only one panic attack in his life.

“Dean what have you done?! Could you maybe try, you know a little bit of empathy.” He could hear Charlie angrily accuse Dean.

“Ok you know what let´s get out of here.” Dean said and he followed the others blindly as they walked out. He focused on the floor so that nobody saw that he was crying. Somehow they ended up in Dean´s car and before he knew it the were all sitting on Castiel´s couch. They had wrapped him in a blanket and a mug of tea in his hand.

“Castiel please talk to us.” His brother pleaded him. Someone was rubbing small circles on his back.

“Don´t tell mom. She will think it is her fault.” Cas managed to choke out with trembeling voice.

“Ok whose fault is it then.” Charlie, who was currently kneeing in front of him asked.

“Mine.” Castiel answered finally a bit calmer.

“I am calling bullshit on that again.” Dean said and if looks could kill Dean would be stone dead right now.

“What did he do to you?” Gabriel asked with concern

“Nothing. I told you cheated on me.” Castiel answered knowing fully well that Gabriel was talking about James.

“Who is he?” Dean asked and that was the moment that Castiel realized that the hand rubbing calming circles on his back was Dean´s.

“James my ex fiance. I threw him out 9 months ago after I found him cheating on me on my birthday.” Castiel tried to explain, while not breaking down again, but to be real he had lost all masculinity he had already.

“On your birthday? Well, you can´t imagine how much I want to punch him right now.” Charlie stated and he had to chuckle at that. 

“Castiel what did he say to you that day?” Dean asked hitting the sore spot again.

“Nothing.” Castiel answerd not wanting to talk about it.

“Cas” Dean turned Castiel´s chin gently up so he had to look into Dean´s eyes and he really had not enough mental strength right now to deny those eyes anything.

“He told me he had been cheating on me for the last year and a half. He only got engaged with me because of my money. James thought he could get half of it in case of a divorce.”Castiel answered, but apperantly Dean wasn´t satisfied with that answer.

“There is still something you are not telling us.” He stated and Castiel looked at Charlie and Gabriel, who were nodding.

“He told me he found me repulsiv and that I had put on a lot of weight. Also he said my hair was a mess.” Castiel said and had to look onto the floor because he could not stand the judging looks of the other´s. What he did not antcipate was being pulled into a bone crushing hug by Dean. It felt so good and safe to be hugged by Dean and he totally forgot his surroundings. That was until his brother cleared his throat and Dean released him.

“I am sorry little brother and you are defnetly repulsiv.” His brother said, but of course his brother would say such a thing.

“Yes Cas I mean I am betting for the other team, but you are totally handsome. Even I can see that.” Charlie tried to underline Gabriel´s point and all of them had to laugh at that. “ But in all seriousness, I know what you weight and I know that with your height of 6 feet and a medium frame, you are under weight. You are fifteen pounds under the under border of medium weight. I didn´t say that when you were at my office because I thought that it was from stress, but now I know that I seriously advise you as your Doctor to put on at least twenty pounds. 140 pounds are not enough.” Charlie ended and he had never realized that he had lost that much weight. He dreaded messuring his own weight so he had no real numbers to compare.

“Man you are nearly the same height as me and I weight 185 pounds. Do believe me I am a perfectly normal weight.” Dean tried to jumped in.

“You weight less then me and you have at least two inches on me.” Gabe tried to help Dean´s argumentation.

“I have never looked at it that way. It just I feel like I put people off because of the way I look and I want to change that.”Castiel tried to explain. He was feeling rather stupid that the other´s had to break it to him in that way.

“Castiel I know that this might be hard for you but you should maybe consider getting professional help.” Charlie tried to reason and he tried to smile at her. Help sounded like heaven and he was really happy that his friends did not laugh at him.

“Ok, but could you maybe help me with that.”Castiel asked and asking for help was really difficult, but he was kinda proud that he did that.

“Of course I have a friend, who does help people, who feel the same way you do, professionally. I can get you appointment asap.” Charlie said and was typing already away on her phone. Castiel felt like there was weight lifted of his shoulders.

“And we would support you in any way we can.” Gabriel assured.

“Thank you.”Castiel voiced.

“Do you think you will be ok tonight?”Charlie asked and he was about to answer when Dean answered Charlie.  
“I could stay if that is okay with you.”Dean offered.

“Of course that is ok ,but you don´t have to...”Castiel tried but was interrupted by Dean.

“I know I don´t have to but I want to.”

“Ok if that is sorted. I really need to go it is 1 am and I have to work tomorrow. Take care ,ok little bro.” 

“Ok I come with you because I don´t want to walk home alone at this time.” Charlie said and Castiel hugged both of them and promised to give them call tomorrow. Then he walked back to the couch and sat next to Dean.


	13. Chapter 13

“Look Cas, what you said about you putting people off. You know that isn´t true, or?” Dean asked him. He was nursing a bottle of beer, which he supposidly took out of the fridge.

“I understand that my hair is never really how it is supposed to be or how other people wear their hair.” When he thought about it his hair was always like that so he wasn´t really sure why it had bothered James only near the end of their relationship. “And I thought I was to fat, I still think so even if you all tell me it isn´t that way. It just takes time to get used to that I guess.”

“Yes, but you really think you are that repulsive?” Dean inquiered.

“You tell me because apperantly my judgment is a bit off.” This was really the truth he didn´t know how to see himself anymore.

“God, Cas. You have literally no idea how good you look. Do you? Firstly your hair is so goddamn sexy. It always looks like you have just climbed out of bed after a long night of doing you know what. And for the rest of your body you are so beautiful. You have beautiful eyes and a even more beautiful smile, that is when you smile for once. Honstly you would even look better with a few more pounds on you, when you don´t look this tired all the time. But even now you are fucking incredible.” Castiel thought he couldn´t breath, no one had ever said so nice things to him. He would have never guessed to hear them out of the mouth of Dean Winchester.

“Thanks.” He could feel the blush rising in his cheeks and he looks at his hands.

“You are literally driving me insane and I have only known you for a bit over two weeks. I know that you are not intersted in me, but I just wanted to tell you that you have totally blown me away from the first day we met. Maybe that would help you.” Dean stated without blushing, damn how did he do such things? Wait did he say Castiel wasn´t interested in Dean. He was interested but Dean was in a relationship. Or wasn´t he?

“Dean of course I am attracted to you, but you are in a relationship and I do not want to be a home wrecker. Furthermore, I thought you were straight and I normally do not hit on straight guys that out of my league.” Castiel explained, how could Dean Winchester believe someone was not into him?

“What relationship? I have been single for the last five years.” Dean asked puzzeled. He is single, that would change everything.

“I thought you and the women from the bar.” Castiel tried to explaine his fauxpas.

“You mean Joe. She is like my little sister. Her mother practically raised me and Sammy until I was old enough to care for the both of us.”Dean explained and cuckled apperantly the idea that he was in a relationship with Joe was very funny to him.

“Oh I am sorry for just assuming...” He tried but Dean waved him off.

“It´s fine Cas and to clear the other thing out of the way. I´m defenetly not straight. I´m bi always was always will be, even if my father never was really supportive of that fact.” Dean explained and Castiel´s stomach made a flip. So Dean was intersted in him and not in a relationship.That means he was allowed to look. Dean had also made it really clear that he would be allowed to touch, if he wanted to, too. That scared him a bit because he hadn´t been with someone like that in a long time and before that he had only real experience with one other man.

“Would you like to go on a date sometime?” Castiel asked gingerly and it was dead obvious that he hadn´t done this in a very long time.

“Of course, but I really would liked to kiss you right now. Would that be ok ?” Dean asked and looked into Castiel´s eyes. He was really nervous,but he would like to kiss Dean. Not trusting his voice at the moment he nodded. Dean didn´t rush things. He first cradeled Castiel´s head in his hands. Thumbs runing up and down Cas´s cheeks. If he wasn´t that nervouse right now he would probably be embaressed that he leant into Dean´s hand and closed his eyes as Dean ran his thumb over Castiel´s lower lip. He nearly jumped when he felt Dean´s soft lips against his own. Goosebumps started spreading over his whole body and when Dean ran his tongue over Castiel´s lower lip he suddered. He cocked his head a bit to give Dean a better angle and opened his mouth . As did that his tongue was met with Deans tongue, who started to explore his mouth. This was when Castiel was hit with the taste of Dean and to him that taste was heaven.  
They only broke apart when they both needed air.

“Wow, that was a hell of a first kiss. Defnetly doing that again.” Dean chuckled as Cas collapsed next to him on the couch. “Cas come on get to bed it was a hard day for you and it is already very late.” Dean said and poked him in the ribs when he closed his eyes.

“You could, you know, sleep in my bed if you, you know, would like to.” Castiel stuttered.

“Ok Castiel, but only to sleep. Do we agree on that?” Dean answered and Castiel nodded. Dean pulled him of the couch and they locked the door and turned out the lights. They then proceded to walk upstairs in silence, where Castiel handed Dean a new toothbrush. They could not stop looking at each other in Castiel´s bathroom mirror, while they were brushing their teeth. Then they took turns to change into pj´. Dean had borrowed a pair of pyjama trousers which were to big on Castiel but fit him perfectly. However, he had diched the top castiel wanted to give him pecause apperently it was to warm to wear a top to sleep. He had nearly thanked the lord for the weather because he got to see Dean´s perfectly toned uper body and his soft abs.  
Castiel didn´t want to pull of Dean´s flannel shirt so he ended up lying next to Dean in his bed, with Dean being topless and himself wearing a t-shirt and a flannel.


	14. Chapter 14

That night he ended up sleeping better than he had in a very long time.  
When he woke up the next morning Dean was pretty much wrapped around him. He just laid awake and enjoyed Dean´s bodywarmth and scent. Castiel felt so safe and comfortable in Dean´s arms that he wasn´t sure if it would be possible for him to ever leave Dean´s arms again. But when the doorbell rang fifteen minutes later at quarter to eight he found out he could, even though Dean was very adorable when he had grunted at the sound so early in the morning. Castiel had slowly untangled himself from Dean to walk to his frontdoor.  
To his suprise Sam was standing on the other side.  
“Good Morning, Sam.”Castiel greeted him and stepped aside to let the boy in, while trying to stiffle a yawn.

“Morning, Cas. Is Dean around? I tried to call him a few times, but he won´t answer.” Sam explained while Cas walked him into the kitchen and then started making coffee.

“Yes he is. Everything allright? Did something happen?” Castiel asked, while the coffee machine was making some fresh coffee. Should it be akward for them that Dean was currently sleeping in Castiel´s bed?

“No he just promised to drive Jess, me and some other kids to the lake today for swimming. I kinda wanted to make sure that was really happening, because otherwise I have to tell them. “ Sam explained.

“Ok. When do you have to pick the other´s up? And did you have breakfast?” Castiel proceded to ask sam while he put coffee in three mugs.

“We don´t have to pick them up till ten, but Dean wanted to meet me for breakfast at the coffee shop. I kinda figured out he would forget when I saw his car in your driveway on the newspaper run this morning.”Sam explained.

“Ok, let me make you breakfast and then I am going to wake your brother.” Castiel proposed as they sipped on their coffee´s. Turn´s out Sam and he worked really efficient at making breakfast and they were done with the task in under fifteen minutes. He grabbed a mug of coffee and walked upstairs, while Sam was eating cereal and reading the newspaper.

The sight upstairs made his mouth water. Dean had kicked of the cover´s and was laying on his stomach in only Castiel´s pjama trousers. You could see every freckle on Dean´s muscular back. His hair was ruffeled adorably and he was still sleeping. Cas sat down the mug and crawled up the bed. He placed a kiss right between Dean´s shoulders and worked his way to the exposed part of Dean´s neck.

“Good Morning, Cas.” Dean rumbled with his voice rough from sleep, but still without opening his eyes.

“Morning, Dean. I got coffee and guess who is sitting at my breakfast table right now.” Castiel said and with that Dean´s eyes flew open and he shot up into a sitting position.

“Crap I forgot I wanted to met Sammy for breakfast.” Dean cursed and looked really gulity.

“I am sure he doesn´t mind. I made him some breakfast and coffee. Speaking of thereyou go.” Cas explained and pushed the mug into Dean´s hands.

“You are an angel, Cas.” Dean mummbled and before he took a sip of coffee he pressed a small close mouthed kiss on Castiel´s lips, which made him feel warm and fuzzy. After a few sips of coffee Dean went into the bathroom to change into his clothes and meet Sam. They walked down the stairs together and then joined Sam for breakfast, who was reading the financial part of the newspaper right now.

“Morning, Sammy. I am sorry.” Dean greeted his brother and tried to appologize.

“Hey Dean. It´s no problem just tell me where you are next time.” Sam answered and sounded more like the grown up than Dean did, which had Cas smiling into his Coffee.

“Done. Ok onto more important things are those scrambled eggs and bacon?”Dean joked. Castiel had gone out of his way to make breakfast for the Winchester´s, but he couldn´t change his eating habbits that fast and so he had made some oatmeal with fruit for himself.

“Yes, Dean it is and it is all your´s.”Castiel answered, which made Dean´s expression change into something more serious. “Don´t look at me like that. Look at me I am eating oatmeal, which is a perfectly healthy breakfast.” Castiel tried to reason with Dean.

“Cas is right. It is very nutrious and healthy.” Sam assured his brother knowingly over the newspaper.

“Yes it´s just, you know...” 

“Dean thank you for worrying about me.” Castiel said and squezzed Dean´s hand. Dean let the subject drop, but threw worrying looks at Cas until he finished the bowl of oatmeal. After breakfast he got a message from Charlie telling him that he had a appointment psychiatrist, if he wanted to take it. It would be at 11 am in town. He starred down at his phone. If he did this he was really admitting that he had a problem. Well he did have a problem, so admitting it could help in solving thr problem.

“What is it Cas?” Dean asked him, his forhead all scrunched up in worry.

“Charlie managed to get an appointment for me at 11 am today.” Castiel explained. Sam looked questioning between them.

“Ok let´s drive the kids to the lake and then I am going to bring you to the appointment.” Dean proposed and so they did. They got ready and Dean drove to the place of the girl, who Sam had refered to as Jess. She was really nice and from the way Sam had isisted on picking her up her front door, Castiel could guss that she was his girlfriend. The drive to the lake wasn´t really that long and so they turned up fifteen minutes early to his appointment.


	15. Chapter 15

The drive to the lake wasn´t really that long and so they turned up fifteen minutes early to his appointment. Even though they were early he was called into the office right away. They said Dean could support him if he wanted to so he did.

“Hello my name is Theresa and I am a psychatrist.” The woman introduced herself to them and shook their hands.

“I´m Castiel and that is Dean.”He explained to the woman and she told them to sit down in one of those leather couches you always see in psychatrist´s offices in movies.

“So I basically know why you are here today. Charlie informed me, but I would like you to tell me again so I make sure that we really cover everything. And if you have something you can not talk about as of now then just tell me and we will work on that. If you feel like you do not want Dean to hear certain things then you have to just say so and I am sure he will give us some privacy. Furthermore, I am going to take some notes, which are only for me and nobody else will see them. It will help me however to come up with possible ideas of a treatment. Ok?” Theresa explained and then waited until Castiel and Dean nodded their consent. “Ok than let us start wherever you want.”

“Ok I guess I am here because my relationship to food and myself has kinda grown difficult since I ended the relationship with my fiance 9 months ago. I also have trouble sleeping and only recently tried to pick up my job again.”Castiel started.

“When you say your relationship to food and to yourself changed, what do you mean with that? Could you elaborate on that a bit more or is it to difficult?” Theresa asked while writing something on a note pad.

“Yes, I think I can elaborate. Since my fiance left I did not eat like I used to, I often skipped meals or exchanged them for black coffee. It got a bit better when I moved back into my parents house, but I still did not eat like I knew I should so I lost a lot of weight.” That was the logical answer he had been supressing the whole time.

“You seem to know that, that is a problem. How is that and why is it that you feel like you should not eat ?”

“It has been brought to my attention by my friends that I do not eat enough. I did stop to eat normally because I was told I was repulsive because I put on weight and I was trying to change that.”

“Who did tell you that and why?” Theresa asked and looked at Dean a bit to accusing for Castiel´s liking.

“No not Dean. My old fiance, James, told me that. I found him cheating on me and asked him why he did it. He answered me by explaining that he did not find our relationship fullfilling in any way other than my bank account and he made also some comments about my apperance.” Castiel explained and was really proud for saying it in that way.

“What exactly did he say to you if you can talk about it?”Theresa asked and wrote something onto her note pad.

“He said I gained weight, which looking back I did not. He made it very clear that I disgust him, but what I don´t get is why he complained about me being absent because of work and me not being intimate with him, if he found the thought of me disgusting.” Castiel acutually hadn´t really thought about it that way, but now he kinda felt stupid for not thinking about them.

“I see, so your friends are supporting you?” Theresa asked.

“Yes and for the first time I have some actual friends.”Castiel answerd and looked at Dean, who had just been listning for the whole time but now gave him an encuraging smile.

“Ok, I think that is enough for today. I would propose to do a session like this once a week and if you need more than maybe more. Make sure to talk to someone when you feel like you are getting worse again, it doesn´t matter if it is me or your friends.”Theresa said while writing her last notes down. Then she stood up and so did Dean and Castiel. “I will see you next week at the same time.” Theresa added before she said her goodbyes and Dean and Castiel left the office.  
Once they were outside Dean pulled Cas into a hug.

“I am proud of you. Just so you know.” Dean whispered into his ear and it made Castiel´s stomach do flips again. Dean holds the embrace a bit longer than socially acceptable for platonic friend´s, but they declared to themselfes last night that they were a bit more than platonic friends. He enjoyed the feeling of Dean´s body against his befor the hug ended.  
“Ok what do you say want to grab some lunch?” Dean asked and he actually took Castiel´s hand and interlaced their finger´s.

“Yes I guess that would be a good thing.”Castiel answered and that made Dean actually smile. Dean explained that his favorite place was around the corner. So Castiel was dragged into a restaurant, which was owned by Ellen Harvelle. The woman was something like a mother for Dean and she already knew what Dean was going to order, but Dean still studied the menue to give Castiel enough time to decide on his own. In the end he setteled for a mushroom risotto and Dean took the same even though he could tell by Ellen´s look that Dean would never ever order something like this on his own.

“Dean you do not have to eat the same things I do just because I have a problem.” Castiel laughed, but deep down he was touched by it.

“I know, but I want to support you and I don´t know how to do that so this was a bad attempt.” Dean explained and looked a bit helpless.

“You have done more than most people would. You don´t even know me a month and tried to help me, I think that is very honerable of you:” He stated.

“Ok now you make me sound like a hero and I am not even close to a hero.” Dean laughed and took a sip from his soda.

“Maybe, but do you know how rare it has become for me to sleep more then 4 hours a night and actually eat two meals in a row ? Also you practically hold my hand at the psychatrist office and I don´t know a lot of people, who would do such a thing.” He smiled at Dean, who just looked embaressed. “Ok let´s not talk about the good things you do for me anymore. How does it come that you are raising Sam?”

“It is not as if I am raising him alone, Ellen has helped me so much and also Bobby. Basically my mother died when I was ten years old. Sammy was about 6 months old I guess. We lived with my father for the next few years, but he was always drunk and I was really afraid to let Sam stay alone with him, while I was at school.” Dean explained and Cas practically saw the fear of his child hood appear in Dean´s eyes. “ One day I was hanging out with my boyfriend at the time and Sammy at the playground at the park. We played with Sammy, but we also made out for a bit while Joe was watching Sam. Apparently my father was out and about that day and saw us. That evening, when we got home, he bet the living shit out of me, because apperantly he didn´t want his son to be one of those ´faggots´.”Castiel felt so sad for Dean, he knew the stuggles with being anything other than straight, but at least his parents had accepted him for who he was.” That night after Dad passed out drunk I grabbed Sammy and a few things. I was so afraid on the way to Ellen´s, but today I am really happy that I did it.” 

“I am so sorry Dean? I didn´t mean to...” Castiel started, but Dean interrupted him by taking his hand.

“Don´t worry I had over nine years to work things out, I can manage it.” Dean answered. 

“He is right the kid is a trooper and he is doing so great with Sam.” Ellen said as she appeart, with their food. She placed it in front of them and then ruffeled Dean´s hair in an adoring way.

“Thanks Ellen.” Dean asnwered and with that she dissapeared back into the kitchen.

“What happened to your dad?” Castiel had to ask. He knew he was probably being rude and nosy, but Dean had told him he could handle.

“Ellen took me to the police, the next morning. Apperantly my injuries were enough to take custody for Sammy and me away from my Dad. He left Lawrence after that and I haven´t heard of him ever since. Bobby shared Custody with Ellen for us until I was eighteen and could afford my own flat.” Dean explained while Cas was eating his food silently.

“That´s really nice of them.” Was the only thing Castiel could say.

“Yes and I own them a lot. It also makes me really happy that Sam can grow up in a safe environment. I mean I am his brother and not his father, I have probably made a lot of mistakes because I was so young, but he is safe.” Dean explained and he smiled when he talked about Sam like he always did.

“I think you did very well with Sam. How old are you exactly? I believe I haven´t asked you that.” Thinking about it Dean had to be younger than himself, but he rally had no clue.

“I am twenty four. What about you?” Was Dean´s responds between mothfulls of his food. His eating habits were really not the best, but Dean looked so cute anyway, so he couldn´be bothered by that fact.

“I am twenty seven, but I turn twenty eight this year.” Castiel responded.

“Haha, I am dating an older man.” Dean joked. “So what do you want to do today?”

“I don´t know. Maybe get coffee if you are up to it or just chill at home.” Castiel answered while eating his risotto.

“Coffee sounds great. We could also drive a bit earlier to the lake and hang out there for a bit. You know, enjoy the sun for a bit or go swimming.” Dean proposed and set his cutlery on his plate because he had finishsed his food very fast.

“That would be great I mean if you want my company for a whole day.”Castiel started but Dean interrupted him.

“Of course I want your company I am very into you as I explained before.” Dean injected and didn´t even blush.

“Ok if that is the case then I am coming with you. However I don´t know how I feel about swimming, because...” He didn´t knew if he was up for swimming because you had to get naked for that activity and even though everyone had positivly inforced him that he was looking fine. He was not yet at the level of comfort with himself were he could take his t shirt and trouseres off in front of people. More importantly people, who had any potential love interest in him, for reasons he was not understanding at the moment.

“It´s fine Cas you don´t have to go swimming if you don´t want to. We can just sit and watch the others if you want to.” Dean offered and Castiel had to ask himself, how Dean always managed to say the right thing.

“Thanks. “ Castiel expressed his thankfulness and returned to eating his food.

“No problem, but first I need some fries. I am sorry but I think I need a bit more food to keep me going for today.” Dean said and resumed to signing to Ellen to bring some fries.

“I don´t have a problem with you eating, Dean.” Castiel laughed at him because the way Dean cared was just very adorable. “You look fine.”

Dean managed to finish the fries before Castiel had any chance to finish his food. After Castiel had finally finished all of his food they went back to Dean´s car, which was a 67 Chevy Impala as he was told during lunch. Dean called her lovingly `Baby´ and smiled as wide when he talked about her as when he was talking about Sam. They drove to Castiel´s favorite coffee shop and ordered some coffee. Dean also added some pie while Castiel just took a black coffee like he always did. Then he sat opposite of Dean and watched the man eating pie like it was a religious expierience. Dean literally moaned at one time and Castiel would be lying if he said that didn´t effect him at all.

Once they had finished their drinks and obviously pie they made their way back to the impala so Dean could drive them to the lake. The parked on a field a bit above the lake so the could overlook the lake and the other people. To his suprise Dean pulled a blanket out of the trunk of the impala and set it up in the shadow beneath some trees so they did not have to sit in the burning heat of the sun. He then resumed to put on some classic rock on an old tape deck.   
Castiel took of his shoes and sat crossleged on the blanket watching the kids in the lake who had obviously the time of their lives. Dean just flopped down next to him lying on his back and closed his eyes for a second. On the opposide to other silences this silence between them was not uncomfortable and Cas took the opportunity to stare at Dean. Just then Castiel realised how young Dean really was. Normally Dean had to carry a weight, which let him appear older than he really was. Now he was looking so much more peaceful and at ease.  
Apperantly the teenagers had spotted them or more likely heared the engine of the impala because a group of kids, including Sam made there way over to them.

“Hi Dean, Cas. What are you doing here?” Sam asked which made his brother sit up to lean on his ellbows to look at the teenagers.

“Heya Sammy. I thought we could enjoy the day a bit before we pick you guys up.” Dean explained while Cas smiled up at Jess, who gave him a wave.

“You could have come over.” Sam proposed.

“Nah I didn´t want to emberass you in front of your friends.” Dean laughed.

“Dean come on you are cool.” Jess jumped in to help Sam.

“Yes come swimming with us.” Some other girl, Castiel didn´t know, said.

“Come on Dean. Castiel you can join in.” Sam offered.

“Fine I will be with you in a second.” Dean said before Castiel could decline the offer. The teenagers made their waay back towards the lake and Dean spoke only when they were out of hearing distance.

“Are you ok with me joining the kids for a few minutes?” Dean asked him.

“Of course. Why not?” Castiel asked and smiled at Dean.

“Because I am being a horrible date.” Dean explained and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.  
“You are an awsome date. No matter what. I am fine just go.” Castiel reassured him.

“Just one more question. Can I kiss you again?”Dean asked and it made Castiel´s heart jump. He nodded. Dean craddled his head in his hands and kissed him like he did the first time. Castiel was amazed how a persom like Dean could have so soft lips and kiss so gently. The kissed until they had to break apart to breathe and just looked each other in the eyes until they could hear the kids shouting at Dean.

“Seems like duty calls.” Dean joked and took off his boots and socks. Castiel tried really hard to not stare at Dean while he was taking of his shirt, but ended up failing miserably. Soon he watched Dean walk towards the teenagers dressed in only his boxers and to be honest Castiel really liked what he was seing. It turns out that he really enjoyed watching Dean while listening to his Led Zeppelin tapes. The teenagers and Dean played waterball, which ended in a play fight and a race across the lake which Dean won.  
Castiel was distracted from watching Dean when his phone rand. 

“Hello, little bro. How are you?” Gabriel greeted him sounding a bit concerned.

“Hello, Gabriel. I´m fine.” Castiel answered truthfully.

“I heared you went to psychotherapie today. If you told me I would have been there.” Gabriel carried on.

“It´s find Dean took me there and he was really supportive about it.”He explained his brother.

“Wanna meet and talk about that? Dean eh?” Gabriel answered and Castiel could literally see the way his brother´s eyebrows wiggled suggestive.

“Not at the moment, but I will tell you some time I promise.” He was not ready to talk about the thing with Dean or the psychotherapie yet. He didn´t even know what that thing with Dean was. Futhermore, the man in question was walking towards him at the moment.

“Who is that?” Dean asked when he reached Cas. He the proceeded to shake like a dog so that some drops of water hit Castiel, who tried to shield himself with his hand.

“Gabriel.” He laughed still trying to doge the waterdroplet´s.

“Hello Gabriel.” Dean shouted even though Gabriel had heared him anyway.

“Say Hello to Deano.” Gabriel answered with a laugh. “I am gonna leave you two to whatever you are doing at the moment. Bye.” And with that his brother ended the call.

“Gabe says hello.” Castiel said while he put´s his phone down.


End file.
